speeding my way thru life

was 2meatloaf-s, 2 slices of bread, a glass of milk, with milo mind you and an orange. so yeah, that’s fine cos you’re supposed to eat breakfast like you’re a king. but my lunch is totally unacceptable! it’s like. one entire packet of beancurd plus more [i cooked it btw] cauliflower bhaji, dherosh bhaji and now, an apple. and a glass of water. dammit. i feel so bloated. but i feel incomplete without the apple la! it’s like so nice. kay, lemme finish eating the apple and then ill blog.

chatting with sri now. im getting back to my crescent friends again. mainly cos theyre the friends ill never find again no matter how hard i try.

more later.. im doing some exercises. i so have to go jog later!

i woke up in the morning and prayed and went to the kitchen to drink water. and then mum comes and asks “what’re you gonna do now?” and i reply “dont know”. and then she tells me not to go jogging. i frown for a while but im like too exhausted to change and stretch and go. so i didnt go jogging in the morning.

and i eat eat eat eat the whole afternoon cos no one’s home and i feel fugly. yes. i love food and i find comfort in food when im down. and at about 6.20pm, when ive finished everything there is in the fridge and bored of watching simpsons[though thats impossible], dad comes out of his room in his jogging attire and asks if i wanna join him for a jog. and obviously i do! but i needed time to change and stretch. so i told him to go ahead and then i took my time doing those stuff.

and i just returned from the jog, waiting for my green tea to chill. hahaha. literally! SO YUPP. yayyy! i did jog. hopefully tt burnt off the 2 plates of butter chicken,2 pots of badam, my ultra buttery banana cake, biscuits and everything else!

feel fat and ugly. i should go sleep and then wake up super early and jog more. but it’s only 2340. kinda suspicious if i go to bed this early. 20minutes of tv and then im off. goodnight. and please pray that i stop doing this. obviously my jog this morning didnt help to release the negative energy inside me.

doesnt understand me anymore. really doesnt. so i should stop telling her stuff from now on.

of butter chicken, 2 pots of salted mixed nuts and one ultra buttery banana cake. not to forget the countless number of biscuits, tablespoons of jam on my toasted bread, and meatloaf. that’s what ive eaten in the past 24hours. and it wasnt just the chicken of butter chicken. it was with the gravy. and its butter chicken. and there was another type as well. had one serving of that. and my banana cake. it was so buttery that the plastic it was in had a slippery feel to it and i could smell and taste the butter as i ate. smell it! imagine how much butter they used. and since it only cost 90cents despite its gigantic size, they mustve used the lowest quality+ unhealthiest butter they could find on the shelves. sighhh. what’s the point. it’s gonna take me AGES to get over the fact that i ate so much. really. it wont help even if a jog the next three days. i had initially planned to skip my morning jog but i guess i have to go for it now. burn those calories. i have to! everyone’s so slim and pretty. ughh. yellow hippo. i was a white hippo today.

and those weird stuff on my elbow are reappearing. ive got it on the other side as well! it’s sooo ugly. i think its cos ive been eating so unhealthily. dammit. from tmr, no more badam. no matter how much you crave for it. you are supposed to go down to 53. so now more badam.

badam sounds like bodom. children of bodom.

ahhhh. 2plates of butter chicken.2 pots of bnadam. banana cake. naan. jam. biscuits. tea! and god knows what else. i should seriously consider getting those stuff that babies chew on when theyre teething. cos i need something in my mouth all e time. and im getting sick of water alr. it certainly has not increased my metabolism rate.

tomorrow. off for a jog at 7.10. today i was up early and then i stretched. lay down on my bed so that the sun can at least shine but i fell asleep only to wake up at 10minutes to 8. and i ran out of the house cos i was afraid i wont hv time. good jog, but i didnt perspire much. need to get a sweatshirt soon.

just did a quiz on facebook called “what kind of chocolate are you?”. results:

You are WHITE CHOCOLATE!
White chocolate because you’re both regal and velvety smooth. You speak, walk, and talk a good game and people are rewarded with your smooth and inviting persona. Some find you to be a rare gem among the landscape of sweets, almost like the hidden treasure that only a select few know about. People may not necessarily crave you ALL the time, but when they are in the mood for white chocolate, they will damn near sell an organ for a taste of you. Or donate an organ. A big organ

see. im boring and stupid and plain. sighh. but you know, i rather be like this this year. and then become happening again after alevels. and happening, not in the way i was last yr. one hugeee mistake. was talking to prabs on the way back from e airport today. felt so good. cos you know these are the friends. they care for you. speaking of whichhh, i havent talked to bhuvs yet. sighh. i wanna go watch kiterunner with her or tanya. cant find either online and im too lazy to sms.

sigh.. its so different once ur bestie is attached. im starting to sound jealous. yeah fine. i am. im jealous of the boyfriend. i want time with my bestie but he takes it all. like right now on msn, im asking all the questions and thus the only one doing the chatting. sucks. totally. like, really bad. and she had claimed that this time round she wont forget me/

ahh heck. i should stop being a typical singaporean, complaining abt everything. get on with life! go find new friends since ure not appreciated. or go do something productive like studying. but not eating. i repeat. not. yes. no more eating till after my jog. and no more tea for tonight. shit. i kinda need it badly. goodnight. for tonight. shall sleep early. by 1 ill be in bed. okay. nights :))

best friends become totally obsessed with their new boyfriends. i thought it’s not supposed to happen with besties. that you ignore them when you find a boyfriend. but i guess its more likely to happen between besties cos they’ll think you understand. too bad, i dont. i love attention and i require attention and i still want every bit of attention even when you have a boyfriend. fine, maybe you dont neglect me. but nowadays, there’s a lot of stuff you dont know and dont ask so i dont bother telling. and because you dont know, when you come to know about it, you overreact. or you scold me without knowing the fullstory or even half of it.

like how everyone thinks i jog so much to lose weight and dont eat rice for the same reason and skip meals cos im afraid of growing fat.

i jog to improve my stamina so that i could get an A for 2.4 and by increasing my stamina, they might actually take me out of taf/health ed which would in turn boost my self-confidence. i wouldve ate rice for at least one meal if i liked it. i dont like rice as much as i used to hate wholemeal bread. and whats e biggie about not eating rice? i still have my fair share of carbs in the form of healthy wholemeal bread and noodles once in a while right. and guess what! ive lived without rice for 2.5 weeks and im still alive and kicking and doing a better! so why do you guys have a problem? and skipping meals. try eating when you have not shitted for.. -counting-.. 6 days. yup. 6 friggin days. you know what the feeling’s like? you should. everyone’s had constipation in their life. and constipation, one thats 3 days old, is horrible enough. 6 days. goddammit. every person has a problem with me. or maybe i have a problem with everyone. yeah. that’s the case. angsty teen. ahh f it. im not. k. i am. but. forget it. no one’d understand. not boovs or any of my besties. and i call them my besties.

it happens.

more of the rest later.

i drank cough syrup so that i would feel sleepy. HOWEVER, im more awake now. but in no mood to study cos im pissed.

and i miss having friends. i dont care whether they’re close or not. i just want friends. sheesh. that’s how low ive stooped down to. wanting friends cos i have none. they don’t seem to be there when i need them. guess why. refer to the first paragraph.

have been crying a lot over the past 2 weeks cos im so miserable and down nowadays.stress. and frequent panic attacks and all the anxiety. which results in ibs. gosh. why am i so problematic. why why why. and why am i only good at complaining? i suck. suck suck suck. pathetic freak.

i better wake up in time for a jog tomorrow or ill curse myself. seriously. 2 plates of chicken. butter chicken at that. so. tomorrow. wake up. pray. out for a jog at 7. bathe at 8. so i can jog for 40minutes. YEAH RIGHT. Like im so fit. ill just take my usual route. i need to shove off the negative energy and i need to jog along a quiet area for that. so yeah. but the distance is so short. screw it. ahh heck. i have to. and so, i should go sleep now. so yeah, goodnight.

what a faker. a smile after all the bitching.

oh trust me. this is nothing compared to the backstabbing ive been doing for sometime now.

hey there!!

hello to everyone reading this. ie, if anyone actually does. okay so ive got only 10minutes on the net cos i gotta get back to my econs assignment and shayoni’s using the net and i told her to move away for 10mins. see the diff? im actually doing my work this year. attempting to. obviously i cant always do everything and finish them, but im trying. i try so hard.. cant seem to get away from misery. akon’s song. SO over akon. that black bad dude. but he’s still hot and i still like the song ‘e sweetest girl’.

alrite. so my keyboard’s kinda f*cked. cant type too fast and the words come out misspelt. a bad workman blames his tools. hehh. but really, not my fault!

and then. what’s new. new year, new me? hehh. not really, but i changed in the sense that im nerdier. or rather, starting to be more diligent cos i am starting to realise the importance of this year. speaking of whichhhh, we had a chem test today on periodicity. which as you all know, is all about memorizing. it is for the h1 syllabus at least. and due to the ball landing smack down on my face yesterday and thereby cutting my upper lip and causing me to lose a large number of brain cells and umm, smthg else, i cldnt study yesterday. came home and slept slept slept. cos i was stressed and the impact of the ball hitting me so hard was BAD. so ya la, don’t think ill do too well for this test. which sucks! cos this test was relatively simple and the next chem test which wld “aid” in bringing up my chem grade for block test wld be on ionic and chem equilibria. and that requires a lot of understanding. yes i gotta memorise Le Chatelier’s Principle, but that’s like one pathetic line. dammit. im blabbering on and on.

ahhhhh! look at what abdul just sed:
रीडी says:
this yr- alevel yr
रीडी says:
so like, mug mug mug
Abdul Bijur says:
kinda tired cos there’s a lot of work
Abdul Bijur says:
oh thats good
रीडी says:
good?
रीडी says:
thats damn sad
Abdul Bijur says:
no its not
रीडी says:
better than work?
Abdul Bijur says:
this is the kinda of age that defines ur future
रीडी says:
ahhhhhhhhhh
Abdul Bijur says:
spend it well u ‘d be at a good place .. u loiter around wasting time u’d can sit at home and be a housewife

shit. cannot afford to not study for any tests and then flunk and go like ‘ill study for the next one’. goshh. that line sounds scary cos it’s so familiar. grr. i hate myself. i really do. stupid slacker. no, slackers are somewhat cool. not. they ruin their lives. jobless idiots. i am not one of them.

you know what? no wait. i forgot. oh sheesh. i have 3 minutes to go. but i should go off now. cos if i complete my work earlier, ill get more time to read. NYJC LIBRARY HAS GOOD BOOKS/ NOVELS!! i borrowed kite runner. and they have so much moreeeee. but i found them too late. see how la. but i wil read! okok. see ya!

[OVERALL]
Balance is important today — so before making any type of decision, you have to weigh the pros and cons of each possible course of action. Do not put things off for another day, because you will have too much to deal with later — you’ll create an imbalance. You can’t understand the right way to move forward until you examine these situations more thoroughly. Giving up what you want, in an effort to compromise, should not be your automatic reaction.

Romance

It’s tempting to turn and look the other way, but your sweetheart knows that you saw. And, frankly, it’s important that you two talk about this. What happens next can strengthen your bond even further.
Find a perfect match…
Technical

You have a ton of energy to put toward work today, but be sure to take some time for socializing too. The key is balance. It wouldn’t hurt to inject some harmless banter into an otherwise deadly department meeting.

hmmm. interesting horoscope. so, why am i happy? cos -drumroll please- they sed i grew up! awesome. and that they never had so much fun talking to me before cos i was still childish. heh. heard that di? i grew up. cool! and and and. amar jonno bengali chele paoaa jabe na. that means, they wont be able to find a bengali guy for me to marry. good. i dont want bengali. theyre flop. whereas the likes of puny d*ck are total bastards. omg. sinds and other people should not read this entry. hahaha. so cool! ridi’s growing up. and they sed i speak bengali very fluently. their comments really matter. cos theyre kinda like, strict and all. you get my point right?

good songs on the radio. all stations. except the stations tt play songs of the 3 langs. i wldnt know, dont listen to them. theyre playing last night on 987. i hope they play akon. i love that dude. i will always love you… no. no one. its e song. and im serious. oh, but i love markgonz. the 2 new pics i have of him are simply. umm. no words. i had to drink water after seeing the pics cos i drooled too much. markgonz has put on weight. tsk tsk. i fed him too much. i lost weight, and he put on. ahhhh. he’s so cute! he’s such a good boy gone bad. he like. ai yah. i cant describe him. i love him. good la. now i hate puny d*ck but am back in love with markgonz. i missed him. my baby!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PXdqq9skLAg -a must watch video. for man utd fans [who will so come after me if they watch it] and the others should just watch it for laughs. just for laughs.

lalalallaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. good good songs on the radio.

baalface. arghh. baalface and puny d*ck can go screw themselves for all i care. happened to just check his scrapbook (yeah, you know the reason) and. and nothing. eff him.

yest i went to di’s place. it was so impromptu la. she didnt go for work. and i told her ill be going to e parlour. so we met up to go to the parlour. we did. and then had lunch [half bbq chicken rice+ COLESLAW. yummy!] sheeeesh. im hungry. nvr knew i cld like coleslaw. oh wells. and then we walked around a bit. and she sed i shld go over. and mum allowed. then we went to the gym. so moja. tho running on the treadmill is so unnatural. WE HAVE TO TAKE OUR CLOTHES OFF. haha. gym class heroes. speaking of running, i have to go for a jog tomorrow. 3 rounds. but i cant. cos bony bhaiya’s staying over. so like.. you know.

so sad. it’s shan’s last night today. but muttons at this time of the night, ie, 10-2, would be awesome. theyre hilarious. like, totally not funny at all. such seenus. haha. five toes.

eee. bouncy bouncy smack smack. o-m-g. IT IS SO MUCH LIKE O O . .! arghh. i like the song “e way i are”. timbaland. hmm. and 4 in the morning. hahaha. 4 in e morning always makes me feel cold. dont know why. maybe cos i think of sehri. hahha.

hey hey you you i dont like your girlfriend. get it? this is directed to someone even if baalfaced is not your girlfriend. cos, she’s like so whatever and i think you could do so much better [with me]. eh no u cant. cos ure bloody retarded. so stick to her okay? flat faced. like as tho someone smack her on the face. smack that [face, not ass]! and i dont care if you say her name again and again. no one cares. okay. shut up.

hey ly [lyana la!] im sorry for being so annoying during maths. i was alr pissed that my plans for today got cancelled and then when you pulled that long face, i just got annoyed more. in case u cldnt tell, i was annoyed. which is why i avoided certain questions of yours. but then i cldnt take it anymore cos shutting up is hard.

eew. hey shona. ugh. reminds me of puny d*ck. should nvr have thought of them. chalo kahe deti hoon, kabhi nahin jo kahaa hain - “$^@&~ the puny d*ck-ed *******, had” okay. shut up. ehh. ill end off here. gotta do my essay. tata people!!

wow. i dont even remember writing my previous entry. now, that was an angsty post. yeah. i stated tt i was pmsing. so di, dont mind that harry potter thing. yeah. so the potter date didnt get cancelled [i am very surprised it didnt] and the movie sucked. to the core. worst movie out of all the 5 tt have been released. even the third one was better.

anyway, im damn sad la. i dont know why, but i am. thus the sudden inspiration to blog. not inspiration, just smthg. ok fine, inspiration. the day was going fine. and then, suddenly from 8pm onwards, my mood changed. and yes, what i found out had quite a huge part to play in the mood swing. sighh. gosh. why the fuck am i so loserish? sighing all the bleeding time away. i shld get up and do smthg. not do something, but like stop brooding over it and move on. not like my life would end if i dont have that certain thing. i didnt have it before.

i promise not to sleep at 4++ today. i was dozing off during almost my lessons today. wednesdays suck. seriously. and drama’s starting to be quite a drag and annoying. speaking of which, i got persuaded to umm, join the acting people today. damn lame la. like i can act. hah! ahh heck. obv there are more talented actors who are abs dying to act for nyj and theyll “win”. good for them. and i cant afford to be sleepy tmr. have got physics, and theyre starting on a new topic. i hate the new seating arrangement. cant see the screen, and hence i tend not to pay attention. and ive got maths. frigging maclaurin’s. dude who unnecessarily made such an important discovery or theorem [for which many people are not grateful for!] and made our lives harder. more complicated.

i feel bad for that gavin guy. campus superstar. but wtv, he tried. go guy! whoever you are. eee. just had a vision of the “hottie” [not!] in 0734. hah! my arse. he’s got long sideburns. needs help. but nice name. arun.

signalfire is my favourite song. nice song. these people are good. what was tt song before tt? umm. chasing cars. yeah. and nickelback’s far away. awesome. will never get sick of it. and i have to thank bhaiya for introducing me to tt song.

im too depressed or i wldve blogged abt my “first you-know-what”. dhurr.

i feel like going for a jog. again. once i start doing smthg regularly, i get qt obssessed with it. i went jogging today after a long time! 3 rounds. felt good after tt. can i ask e teacher if i can run tmr instead of playing touch rug. tho its fun.

commented on divv’s fster profile today. she’s in pj. and dammit, pj had hot guys. seriously! t least they look like guys and have tt kinda height and body. speaking of body [and looks], di sent me a pic of this absolutely gorgeous model. no idea what hes wearing. its like a skirt like thing. with a dont know what on top. but sheesh. he’s hot, tho all covered up. and the smile…! lemme drool.

FUCK. im so tempted to drink nail polish remover.

i am depressed. super depressed. no idea why. [now tt kinda explains it right, PMS] well, yeah. i am depressed and i have cried. BUT it doesnt help. effing piece of shit. and some people should really learn how to be more tactful when they wanna say something. cos they might think theyre saying it cos the one who’s hearing it is so close to them or blah blah, but sometimes, blah blah blah blah happens. or jut B L A H. yeah, sounds better.

and now, on a lighter note. someones lost 18kgs since jan. if you dont know who tt person is, kick urself in the face. oh wait. dont bother. im anonymous and i dont exactly make much of a difference in peoples lives.

but then again, i do. all of tushar’s yahoo statuses have smthg to do with me. bloody pos. and ayesha thinks of me when she wakes up in the middle of the night n needs someone to cheer her up. and soumi’s and bhuva’s days are incomplete without me. and lyana sed she missed me cos she wasnt in sch on fri. haha. that’s all. lame right. so these are e few people who’ll turn up at my funeral. which might be soon. wtvs. but seriously, i feel so darn sucky and pathetic. effing pms. i dont get cramps but pms is just evil. yes it is.

so. harry potter. today’s wednesday. means its gonna be released tmr. and i havent got anyone to watch it with. GUESS WHY. i do, but i bet you he’s gonna cancel at the last minute saying he’s got something up. hope my threat-”if u cancel e movie outing, ill cancel you from the face of earth”- works. because i absolutely HAVE to watch harry potter. yeah. how can u not watch it. and lemme just voice my disappointment with my cousin over this. this= we WERE supposed to watch it together. yeah like feb, i think we discussed abt watching this movie tog since she wasnt here in SG during e release of GoF. and then she made plans. sigh. okok ridi. face it. happens when uve got a happening life and like, a bf. so learn to live with it. until u get a significant other. oh yeah. il wait till im 76. after tt ill just die of boredom.

me and my randomness. im rolling the dumbbells around. im so hurt tt bhaiya didnt write abt e wonderful present i gave him for his bday. SOUMI SAHHHAAA. come back online. i need you. i do.

the girl in transformers is so hot. she looks so good in jeans. ugh. bitch. and tt white soldier. ahh. i fell in love with him

AND guess whose birthday it was? mark dennis gonzalez hoffman. turned 23. little baby. so adorable. nothing else to say. bad mood setting in again. tho tts supposed to be impossible when im talking abt gonz.

maybe i shld go offline and sleep. yeah. isnt that a very wise decision? i happen to think it is. but i wont do it. bye!